Wednesday
July 4, 2001
You know
when your first day back you get free ice cream and meet Woody
Harrelson on the 4th of July (Florent's Day) that things aren't
all bad.
And a
Bar-B-Que at Buddy's and hanging out on the beach in Marina
Del Rey to watch the fire works is super cool especially when
Jen has a license saying she still lives in MDR. I think we
should move there some day. But then again if we can make some
money off this site it sure as hell wouldn't be bad living in
Taiwan for a few months out of the year, either.
Working
really fucking sucked but playing was worth the whole trip.
I got this Red Coral which is RARE to make with my necklaces.
On top of that we went to the most amazing Lover's paradise.
Florent wants to move there. I don't think I can object too
much. It's sad when you come back from Asia and the air is so
different and you feel so cold. I'm in LA where everyone is
wearing shorts and stuff and last night Florent and I were both
covered from head to toe because we are used to burning up.
There
is something really weird about the atmosphere there. It's rich
and loving, very sensuous despite typhoons and earthquakes.
We made
love on the beach. It's been a crazy couple of days. Ones I
will live over in my mind again and again. We tried surfing
but were entering from the wrong way so we didn't get far at
all. I barely had any sleep at all traveling on shitty buses.
That's
why I am exhausted today. Couldn't sleep on the plane, couldn't
sleep on the buses, couldn't get comfortable. When I finally
did fall asleep on the plane a baby started crying and wouldn't
stop. I wanted to die.
So I watched
The Mexican. "When two people really love one another but they
just can't get it together when do you say enough is enough?"
Damn,
that rang true to my heart.
Saturday
July 7, 2001
It's our
8th month today. Wow.
I am beginning
not to trust anybody. Jen pointed out to me that I need to let
people help me more.
Sunday
July 8, 2001
Matter
is neither created, nor destroyed.
I have
been thinking a lot about stuff lately. Who knows this might
even be a marathon entry but my arms are sore.
So since
matter is not created nor destroyed then.... what's it do?
Are thoughts
just simply musical notes upon a caprious wind? Just because
I write these words does it matter?
I have
been thinking about what makes people happy a lot lately, and
lamenting the fact that I still live like a teenager. I guess
one thing to ensure happiness is to release unobtainable goals
that you have in life. To give up control and see if you like
the ride.
Lots of
sex varying upon individual tastes.
Quit worrying
about money because as long as you have enough to do what you
like then what more is there to it?
Quit picking
on your face because you are scaring it.
Monday
July 9, 2001
Have you
ever woke up and just felt so completely stupid?
I have
been taken advantage of too much. Too many times. It's over.
I'm sick of it. I am going to become the bitch I have always
wanted to be. I don't care anymore because I am sick of people
taking advantage of my kind nature and costing me money and
time.
We cut
up one of those nasty black eggs that Asians eat. Blech. It
was green on the inside. I will not eat green eggs and ham.
I will not do it Sam I am.
"I thought
of a new way to say I farted. Oh eh-Jenny Jenny bang bang we
love you." I am dying. We spent the whole day together. Heidi
ran away last night when I wouldn't let her sit on my face because
she was scared of the fireworks. I'm sorry but I just can't
handle a dog's butt in my face but I love Miss Heidi.
I feel
like I am changing a lot. I feel like I have grown up 10 years
in one month. That I have new goals I would like to meet by
the time I am in my thirties. Fuck.
Tuesday
July 10, 2001
I had
this super weird dream last night. I was on a river and there
were waterfalls and what have you. A big boat with logs went
down it and I thought it would be sooooo cool to do that.
Then I
saw the rocks on bottom and thought better of it.
I don't
want to grow up...
I have
been thinking about changing my site a lot. And it's July, the
month I usually write the least and try to created the most.
I felt
like I was back in Kentucky yesterday with a breeze coming in
and making tea. Jen was here all day and we just chatted and
enjoyed one another's company.
I feel
stuck. I feel like I need to make a game plan.
We walked
along Venice beach this morning with Heidi. I was so hungry
and naturally we are broke again and Clive still hasn't paid
us. What the fuck ever. I have a feeling he is going to try
to make us sign some other frightful contract before he attempts
to pay us our money.
Whatever.
I am letting it go. Water under the bridge. It will work itself
out. I found that I would stress out about a lot of shit lately
that just needed some time. I also find it interesting now that
we are back in LA our relationship has gotten better in some
ways. Amazing what captivity can do to your mind. How easy it
is to turn against the one you love and hurt them the most.
I can't
believe how close to the surface all those feelings of resentment
lie just underneath my skin and how they bubble out to caustic
melonomas under the right circumstances.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck.
Wednesday
July 11, 2001
I'm laying
in bed. I don't know how people function when it looks like
they, personally, were responsible for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
I'm dying. I could die. I have lost enough blood to donate to
a hemophaliac short 3 pints of blood.
My husband
is calling me a monster. I feel like a slug. I can't even make
it out of bed long enough to take a shower. How do women work
when they feel like this?
There
is blood every where. I feel like I am going to pass out when
I stand up. Too bad no one tells you when you are a teenager
that bleeding will suck you dry the rest of your natural born
life. There was one advantage to Depo, at least I felt like
this just every once in a while.
I hated
taking that shot at first. I didn't have a period for 6 weeks
and then for 6 straight weeks I had a period. I understood what
my sister went through when she was on chemo and wouldn't stop
bleeding.
It's not
a good thing.
I want
to write and write and write. I want to go sit in the sun too.
I want to clean up my room. Be a master flash programmer and
learn how to do a ton of shit by hand but I don't think I ever
will.
Sigh...
I am going to go back to sleep for a while.
* * *
It's almost
midnight now. I have slept most of the day away because I felt
so bad. I should go to the doctor or something. I usually like
figuring this shit out for myself. I ate 2.5 Snickers bars today
trying to get some energy going through these veins.
I don't
know why I date such introverted men. I am so not introverted
in the ways guys are. I have been thinking about a lot of differences
between men and women lately. I think we are completely different.
I think
that since the media is run by men and this is an old boys network
they project their feelings of how they think women are by the
ways they have made us behave.
Do you
really think people like Rosie and let's see, Martha Stuart
are chicks you would want to hang with? FUCK no. Because then
you would have to listen to them bitch and no one wants to hear
shit come out of your mouth when you are one of those kinds
of people, huh?
Maybe
I am just now like "DUH! Do you believe ANYTHING you see on
TV?" Do these people really lead a better life than me? I would
have to say HELL No. I would hate to live in a gilded cage and
feel like I had to live the perfect life just to make everyone
happy. I have never been like that what so ever anyway.
I read
an article about Lauren Hutton the other day and I really appreciated
her in a different light. She was slammed against the floor
of the desert and ripped apart and put back together again.
She had an ex steal her money, promise to have kids one day
and then turn around when it was too late and tell her he would
always be her baby. And she still loved the bastard!
Saw him
as a god.
How fucking
stupid does a woman have to be? I hear these words coming from
Florent's mouth that would melt butter and I still stop and
wonder to myself "Is this fucking real? Does he really think
I am going to believe that crock of shit?"
Maybe
that's the problem I am having with Florent now. We get in these
stupid contests to where it isn't even fun to argue because
he doesn't know how to argue. He gets pissed at someone or something
and he won't tell them SHIT but he will sit there and complain
incessantly to me about something.
I feel
like when Jen and I get together we have to talk about all the
bullshit we have to put up with on a daily basis. I know what's
going to happen when she goes to Europe, She is going to get
over a bunch of Shit.
I feel
like every time I get away from this place I get to see the
world for what it is and not how it's portrayed for me through
the media, mine included. I think I have a very warped view
of the world now. I have seen so many weird things in my life
that I don't know what to believe anymore.
Thursday
July 12, 2001
Take Two.
A girl
sits inside the bath tub, red water swirling around the aurora
of her nipples. A closer look and the blood gets brighter and
brighter and brighter.
I sit
and watch the red water swirl around my body. The closest I
will ever be to acting in a Quieten Taratino movie. I have never
bled like that before or sense. It was very frightening.
Saturday
July 14, 2001
Why walk
on water when I prefer to swim?
I feel
like I am everyone, everything, every moment, every breath,
every sigh, every orgasm right now. I am so open to the world
again. I think my prior captivity made me realize that I really
need to get off my ass and do something about this career as
a photographer. I think it's time I started working for magazines.
I am getting
really serious. I contacted an agent who wants to see my portfolio.
I have to get together about 20 images I think and have them
professionally printed. I have to look into Digital Printing
because if that is cheaper and I like the results better then
that's what I am going to do.
Jen and
I spent last night at Michaels looking for shit to put my work
in. I am special, I am talented I did not want a book to show
someone of my photographs in a regular binder. I found one thing
that looked too standard. Then I picked out this cool black
alligator covered binder with two gold stripes going down the
side. I opened it up and it's on acid free paper and I just
get so excited. I think I can shield the photos in plastic but
then I thought that might look cheap. So I told Jen I needed
corners and acid free stuff and if I found them I was going
to use them, which I did.
Then we
went to the 3rd street promenade in Santa Monica. I love Santa
Monica. If I make enough money I am moving there one day. The
junior college is like a private college because all the flaky
people end up dropping out but if you are a California resident
the tuition is like $18 an hour.
So I would
want to live there because it's sweet and happening. With a
view of the ocean.... dreamy.
I love
where I am living though... The air is fresh, we are mildly
secluded and we are in a house that is calm and peaceful. It's
never hot here because of the trees and bushes that have grown
up around it. The back yard needs some work but... it's not
mine.
So I for
went one project for another. Getting my shit together V. renting
the room out for more money.
Sunday
July 15, 2001
My dog
has fleas...
Been cleaning
the lice infestation out of our bedroom all fucking day.
"See honey,
this is what happens when you don't wash your hair. This is
what happens when you don't have good hygiene." Mine were killed
as soon as I bleached my hair.
Can you
say THAT'S FUCKING GROSS!
I want
to vomit. I can't believe I saw a full grown louse my husband
picked out of his head. I don't know how in the hell I didn't
see them when he had me look in his head. He was in the bath
tub and I ran to the store to get the shampoo and he said they
were jumping onto his hands. I am sure they were yelping they
were so happy to be in his head.
The water
had lice carcass floating all around. It was gross.
Florent
has been having a hard day. It's not every day that you find
that kind of shit.
He dug
this black shit out of his head using his newly grown fingernails
that are almost as gross as the lice. Not to disparage anyone
with long fingernails but when they are rubbing against your
clit, it really fucking hurts. I could never in my life figure
out how girls with long nails would jack off. Every time I grew
my nails I cut those bitches off.
Maybe
those girls and boys that do that are just more careful. Or
maybe they don't jack off as much. Who cares. I hate nails.
I always end up biting mine off.
I wrote
this to Josh.
Where
are you going?
I am sorry
I couldn't get on line. I had a lice infestation that I HAD
to deal with all fucking day. Re-washing all the sheets I had
washed 2 days ago. Bleaching shit out.
I will
never cast away the power of peroxide. At least I killed mine
when I got home although I have had that feeling that I needed
to get rid of that shit for a couple of days now.
My scalp
is tingly. It kind of hurts because I knew if Florent was infested
as bad as he was that I was too. Washed the hair, stripped the
beds. Washed everything laying around. I am thinking we need
to have an exterminator come in as well but am not + that is
the right thing to do...
Fuck...
how gross. I believe in your God. If for any reason I think
that there is a lesson to be learned and something to concrete
and seal in the point is that this is the icing on the cake.
Those mother fuckers are so fucking nasty that I would love
to pistol fuck them with a bamboo shoot and launch it to a fucking
M1 and blow the mother fuckers into the god damn space shuttle
as it takes off to oblivion.
When I
think of torture my eyes glaze over and I think that sometimes
just imaging the revenge is sweet enough for me.
Or laugh
because I know one day they will be impotent.
Take Care
of yourself. Love,
Cathy
It was
too fucking funny to pass up.
Art I
tell ya.
So...
I don't think I will ever work for Clive again.
I got
new sheets today just because I am wanting to feel like a woman
again. Laundry detergent, 3M sponges because you can throw them
away and get rid of the bacteria. New mop sponges. New Brita
Water Filters. Cheese. I have been making Spinach salads lately
for lunch and they are yummy. Today with Granny Smith apples,
walnuts, Kismo dressing (Japanese), plums and Blue Cheese.
We haven't
slept well lately and now I wonder if it's because of the lice.
Florent has been kicking me. I wonder if having lice drives
you crazy to a certain degree. Poor Florent. He has so much
hair and no one would have ever noticed. I hope they all go
away because I don't know how many weeks I can keep up with
cleaning the sheets all the time.
Jen and
I put stuff in clear boxes and then tossed them out in the shed.
I got everything all organized. I pulled out my negatives to
start figuring out which photographs I want to have professionally
printed. Part of me is so neurotic that I want to rent lab space
and just print the fuckers myself.
When you
develop large color photographs you have to do everything in
complete darkness. When you are printing your own shit all the
time in the darkroom you get used to the dark.
I suppose
I will pay a lab to do it. I might end up wasting more money
doing it myself. But if I don't like the results I think I am
going to break down and do it myself. I'm also going to see
what prints from a CD look like. I am curious.
I am beginning
to think that I am going to stand on the rock that faces the
mouth of the ocean and scream "Come on... is that all you've
got for me? GIVE ME MORE!!!"
Wednesday
July 18, 2001
Scrubbing.
Cleaning. Bleaching. Drying. Vacuuming. Mopping. This has been
my hell for the last couple of days. Let's not leave out chastising.
I'm learning
all kinds of new tricks. I didn't know you could tell someone
No! I am such a wus. I am going to start practicing. I need
to be a No person.
"No sex
tonight because you stink." I didn't know No was so easy.
I do know
that Florent doesn't know how to clean to save his life. Is
cleaning a lost art form? Am I being overtly neurotic?
I feel
like this wave of responsibility is washing over me. Yeah right.
I was out with Jen yesterday and we got lost going to the Federal
Building. It was fun and she was laughing about it and I can
see myself totally into that lifestyle. Not working too hard
and hanging out with my best friend all day.
We got
photos from Taiwan back and I am not loving some of them. I
could run and hide. I think it's time to make more drastic changes.
I have been eating a ton of fruit and salads lately but...
I think
it's time to strip down the bed and wash all the sheets again.
I have to do this for 7 more days.
Scrubbing.
Cleaning. Bleaching. Drying. Vacuuming. Mopping. I feel like
a mother already.
Friday
July 20, 2001
I printed
yesterday. Photographs that are totally awesome. My little superstars
and ones I have never "seen". I have sorted through thousands
of negatives. I printed like 20 and only half of those prints
are any good.
It's weird
to be exposed to places I have been.
I have
been cleaning all day. Yesterday... Rocked.
I am being
pretty boring lately. I know. But for some reason I am just
not in the mood. I think it's July. Historically July is the
month I write the least although I have been writing lately
to Succubus.
I love
her writing. It is so beautiful. We have so much in common that
it almost scares me.
God...
these prints look like ass now. I hate looking at shit this
long and getting them perfect. It makes me nervous.
Sunday
July 22, 2001
I went
to a party laster Saturday night... It was fun. A couple of
architects live across the street. Claudia invited us over.
It was my first LA party.
I think
I got obliterated. From what I don't remember or care to report.
I think
I am going to be moving my journal again.
Some fucking
cunt chooses to tell me how gross and sick I am and I am going
to flush her out. I don't need trash reading my journal. I am
going to track IPS and figure out who you are and then ban your
fucking machine from reading another God Damn journal entry.
Or maybe you can start fucking paying.
Monday
July 23, 2001
Maybe
I am just a cunt but I think I have enough problems on my own
without adding to having an asshole that loves to be critical
and comment harshly on shit. Maybe it's just one of my friends
fucking with me but I really don't appreciate it. If I wanted
to be treated like that then I would take the passwords off
this place and let any fucking moron in. Of coarse "she" doesn't
even have the ovaries to leave a real e-mail address. What a
fucking coward.
Or I could
just step aside and let you be me for a while. Walk a god damn
mile in my fucking shoes. See how you like being berated or
try and have some asshole make you feel insecure about something
you can do nothing about.
I'm not
feeling very creative these days. Maybe because I am actually
focusing on other shit.
Tuesday
July 24, 2001
I'm not
going to do this. I don't give a fuck what other people say
like I used to. This is my journal. You can think whatever the
fuck you want. You can judge me however you want. You can say
whatever the fuck you want. Just make it fair and leave your
fucking e-mail, pussy.
I think
I am getting in touch with my rage. Some times I feel it off
in the distance. I think I have been somewhat oblivious about
things that matter to me as a person.
I think
I lack goals at this current moment in time and have since my
mom died.
I have
learned through living life that there are just a few things
that you can control. How you react to people and what kind
of path you make. I know what I am writing fucking matters to
people and I was curious to see how many people were really
that interested. It's nice to see people hanging in there and
every once in a while I read shit that upsets me but at least
I know that if you are reading you are doing something. You
exist in your miserable, fucked up little way and enjoy tormenting
me, or pleasing me, or comforting me.
I write
for you. Because I am not sure what else to do. Maybe it's compulsion.
Maybe it's just life. I don't know.
I am very
sad. I miss my mommy. A lot.
An ache
in the pit of my stomach. A Jerry Springer life.
God am
I ever going to get it together?
I think
I am too impatient.
* * *
Le sigh.
I have been combing through craigslist.com
since I finally got my access back today. It's a grim situation
up in SF. I am SO glad we fled when we still had the chance.
Things
may not be all rosy here but at least we aren't stuck in the
fallout of the dot bombs anymore. It's a real mess up there.
And they think that things will recover in a couple of years.
I have
been bleaching, stripping, oiling my hair because now Florent
isn't the only one with nits. I thought I might have had them
because my head itched so much when we were in Taipei and I
couldn't wait to get home and bleach my hair.
I am glad
that I did do this. I took all of our clothes and set them out
side when we got home so that if we brought home any critters
they would remain outside and from traveling to Russia I knew
to wash all my clothes in hot water.
So now
that I have white blonde hair again it's impossible to pick
the nit out from my head. I went through Florent's head and
hopefully they are all dead. I should wash and spray the bed
for the next week to make sure none of those little fuckers
are hatching again and I think tomorrow I am going to spend
the better part of the day printing again.
I am going
to sign up for classes at the Santa Monica college. I am naturally
going to take a class in photography so I can have darkroom
privileges and I think a class in French. Maybe I will be daring
and take a class in Java if they have one although an online
class doing database Admin looks appealing as well.
I should
just break down and be a career student.
I am stressed.
I am scared. I am indeed impatient. I feel like I am never going
to get it because I can't figure out which angle to penetrate
"it".
I do feel
consoled by Mike's words of advise. Thank you because I needed
to hear that shit happens like this and it doesn't make me a
bad person and that no matter what there are assholes anywhere.
I want
to write something meaningful.
If you
can possibly imagine I have always been an impatient girl. I
remember being 17 and waiting for the doctors at the Mayo clinic
to get my head examined. Granny and I sat and waited for hours
and hours before I was rushed in to see my neurosurgeon for
like 25 minutes.
He went
over my scans and then told me they were going to do a sterotatic
biopsy on me that next Tuesday.
I remember
just sitting there, waiting for the longest time. That was one
of the worst waits of my life.
Then there
was the last time my mom had surgery. Or the time before that
when they ripped out her guts and stapled her back together.
That was pretty horrible waiting for 10 hours especially since
I had just had brain surgery a couple of weeks before that.
I made
my grandmother a bracelet waiting for my grandfather to come
out of having his stomach ripped out and re-attached to his
throat. That was an awful wait too.
Sometimes
maybe waiting is the best thing to do.
I bought
some PMS stuff today from GNC because I am being too much of
a cunt and my moods are considerably sour. I don't like feeling
the way I do right now.
The network
was down earlier so Florent and I took that opportunity to fuck
and sleep. I made him stop for a while because he wasn't playing
fair. We laid in bed and talked about all the things going on
in our lives.
It was
funny to listen to him describe me. I guess Cinderella doesn't
only exist as a bad thing for women. I wonder if anyone has
done studies on how it affects men as well.
Or Snow
White.
I have
been thinking about the many things I take for granted lately.
It's funny
how as children you often don't appreciate what you have because
it's simply there. And as an adult you take things for granted
for the same reason.
Thursday
July 26, 2001
I'm hot
snot! I'm hot snot! I'm hot snot!
The people
at Yahoo! love the site I did for Ori so much that they are
going to let him upload it to his Yahoo! shop and he is going
to be the first person that is going to ever get to do this.
He was
telling me how he asked the lady if he could put his site up
and she looked at gallerywholesale.com
and was so impressed that she had all the people in the office
come ooh and ahhh it!
I keep
squealing with girly delight.
Florent
and I had Jen's car today. After doing "Tea-bo" this morning
we packed up and went to Fry's. It was so nice having the convertible
for the day. It totally makes my hair look naturally white when
the California sun hits it.
I can
tell the results of working out already. I know it's weird to
say that but my body seems to be coming together. Kinda strange.
I am afraid I will always have these gigantic titties.
It's also
weird driving down Lincoln Blvd. and hearing the electricity
running through the damaged power lines. I think that's going
to cost more to replace all those cables and conductors than
all the money they lost during the "rolling blackouts."
We drove
everywhere looking for stuff to use to make business cards.
I talked
with Anne yesterday and she is thinking about buying a horse
magazine. I would put stuff up on-line. It sounds like it could
be a gem.
My life
is getting back to normal. I am pretty happy about that.
Saturday
July 28, 2001
Last night
was the best fucking night. So unexpended. So unplanned. So
fucking awesome.
Charles
took us on the boat he captains, The Lady Ashlee. She was Pristine.
White carpet. White engines. Charles almost sunk her a year
ago. Everything was replaced. You could eat off his engine.
"How much
is this boat?"
"3 Million."
I fantasize
about being out on her, running my fingers along the white suede
ceiling.
I could
live on that boat. It would be a dream because everything is
brand new.
Charles
made us chocolate/chocolate chip cookies vanilla ice cream sandwiches.
I was in heaven.
Before
that we were at The Cinema for some ribs. Rod, the owner,
invited us by Friday for some ribs he had. Just so happened
to be a dotbomb party. I felt for them. I ached for them. I
wanted to scream that the people at Yahoo! were looking at me.
But I
refrained.
Sunday
July 29, 2001
We went
on a picnic at the Will Rodgers State Park today. It was rather
uplifting. Walking along the trails you could see far and away
houses of Los Angeles tucked here and there on hills and valleys.
I have
been feeling a bit of the spark coming on to me. Like there
is a flame inside a 15 minute candle that has to burn down the
wick all the way off or it will never be tossed away to the
side or in the refuse container for the men to take it away
to where ever they send such things.
I thought
of a sketch I could do and how a woman is more simple than men
originally thought because you can tell when a woman is happy
by the kind of shit she takes.
I have
been in a powerfully silent mood these days. Enjoying the beach,
the soft cool sea caresses tickling my pink lungs, the feel
of Heidi's silky coat running inx between my fingers.
These
times are silently feeding that flame, that passion, that desire
inside the lair of my stomach approaching erupting just as the
volcano in Sicily throws itself down the walls that contain
it.
It has
been precisely 2 days since my husband has mounted me and taken
me so gently. He is troubled by the untimely demise of his nanny
that once picked his nose and cleaned his bottom while his mother
slaved away for Shell only to be fired after 37 years of mindless
devotion. When you are Catholic it seems to give you this unwavering
sense of loyalty and honor that such hierarchies as corporations
are not deserving of.
I thought
to myself how I would love a job long enough to be collecting
unemployment like half of the folded dotcomers are doing.
I should
be out tonight, faking my way through some pointless sketch
that would hopefully get me noticed as a comedian. Maybe even
that is too much to dream about but I am finding that the dreams
of everyday people are coming to life more so than TV stars
and various sorted celebrities. We are the ones we most want
to watch. Pretty soon the Internet and TV is going to blend
into itself causing a haze to appear before everyone's eyes.
We have
come for your children, the ads will say subversely. You sit
them in front of this here computer and we will show them a
life here they have never seen. One you are just too fucking
old to ever imagine. Place your credit card and expiration date
on the form to become a 'lifetime' member.
Life will
never be the same.
Monday
July 30, 2001
Up and
down and all around. Damn I need to get this PMS under control.
I went
on an interview and I was supposed to hear something but haven't
so let's see what happens. I dropped my photo book off too.
I am very nervous.
So either
something is going to give or I will slum it for another month.
I think
I am willing to go somewhere and get a job doing something because
I have been consistantly arguing with Florent for the past couple
of days.
"Oh I
know why you have pimples." Um because I am about to start my
period. "it's because of this shit that you eat."
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Tuesday
July 31, 2001
its
been very tense today...if you must know, we can hear the tanks
and machine guns in the back groung (in a town called Gilo,
where my step sister and her family live)...not very pleasant...and
its going to get a lot worse...
It's not
a good time to be in Isreal. I'm kinda worried about Josh.
can
her lots o helicopters in the background now...
"Where
are you living?"
in jerusalem...a
block away from the prime ministers house...two blocks away
from the presidents...about a 10 minutes walk from the old city...
* * *
His cock
slowly enters my body. I am hot and waiting for him to enter
\ my body. He moves over and in and out. Up hooking my gspot.
I ask him to move a certain way and soon I feel myself opening
like I imagine a flower as the sun's rays kiss it awake in the
morning.
We start
talking about life. Talking talking talking, a rarity from him
after he has worked so hard.
He's been
reading about the philosophy of Capitalism. He figured out that Americans are rational and not
emotional. He tries to tell me that I am not emotional. He tries
to define me through words he reads. I guess he is trying to
understand what I am all about.
Josh is
up again
bad dreams
....then i wake up to tank fire....
We
are living in odd times. I wonder if this economy is ever going
to striaghten itself out. I'm losing hop
