once upon a time I met this girl that had alopecia and chicken skin. Now me having a brain tumor and not really understanding life and what not I asked her about it when we went over to her house one day. She was amazing. She had a canopy bed with a comforter that had pink and yellow roses and her room was just breath taking to me because my parents were divorced and our room was stark and we had no curtains and my father represented felons that did things like kill their wives in a car that they gave him as payment so when my mother was doing chemo I smelled bleach and blood and was taken back to that special but I digress. She was throwing a bunch of shit away, one was secret deodorant that she had to use a knife to scrape off her arm. She was throwing away all kinds of trinkets so I took some and since I did that I instantly became scum because I had asked her about her alopecia and her chicken skin. Now most people would have shaken it off but me having a brain tumor I did not understand how I committed such an egregious crime against Amy Michelle. She lead a campaign against me to the likes which no little chicken skinned baldie could have mounted and, well, having a brain tumor, as you so well put it, I had to defend myself somehow and, well, I wasn't lying was I? She was relentless in her torments in that she got everyone to call me scum from third grade until high school. Why I was so afraid of high school that I begged my parents to let me go live with my grandparents, that and I was sick and tired of them fighting all the fucking time. I did not know she was sent away to catholic school or I would have just gone on and gone to Oldham County instead of Boyle County. I couldn't go to Danville High where my mom went and where my cousin was going because my father said there were too . . I can't write it. One of the reasons I moved to California so my son would not be exposed to such ideals and he has NEVER HEARD THAT WORD. NEVER except when Barbie used it the other day and thank God he didn't pick up on it. No I did not want him to have the experience I did when my mother had been captain of the cheerleaders, class pressident and she was photographed all the time because she was just that hot however I was not. I never got to be a cheerleader, I broke my foot in fifth grade when Dana kicked my foot playing soccer so I had a cast all the way up to my hip when it was my ankle that was broken. The teachers loved me. I was taken aside with Christie Hood and Meradith Short and a few other girls because we were very smart and scored very high on the tests and they wanted us to realize our potential. Then I got to sing "the sun will come out" in front of the whole school, was in the Wizard of Oz, won creative writing second place in both forth and fifth grade but none of that mattered because I was scum and felt like scum because all the kids called me scum from 3rd-8th grade. Why it was so bad that Wendy L. (I told her recently that her father didn't really love her because he blew his fucking brains I felt vindicated) came to our house with Tina M. and told them that it was OK to be friends with Anne but I was, well I was scum so you can never imagine how much fun it was to grow up with my sister always being better than me because I was scum. None of the kids liked me. One time the neighbors and my sister and Tina (she had to be my friend. Her step father was a coke dealer and he needed daddy) came at me with brooms and rakes to beat me up and I went and got my father's loaded weapon and said "Everyone meet blackie, blackie, this is everyone" and I never saw kids run so fast in my life. And growing up with Daddy. I looked EXACTLY like my mother so when he was feeling particually incestious he would scream and scream and scream at me. I never got to watch TV on either side where my brother and sister sat because he wanted to sit there and watch me and then go jack off thinking of mom. I was never a real person. When I said to him "I think you hate me because I look like my mother" when I was 15 and he said " you're right" it took me a few years, brain damage, to realize what an incestious fuck he really was. I fucking hated people. They all sucked. Middle school naturally was the worst because by then everyone knew they could really pick on me good. Now I wasn't just scum but a heifer. And Amy's torments were relentless. When I learned how to use spaghetti to make myself throw up and develop an eating disorder I gave to my sister, Tina, Jennifer C, who was my friend after school but naturally ignored me so when her father was dying from cancer I just didn't give a fuck. Why should I? She wasn't there for me and was going to take me to King's Island until she became friends with Tina. Why dear Amy was able to get the entire bus to stand up and clap when I got off two times and it wasn't until the bus driver threatened them with disciplinaries that they stopped and weren't so god damn mean to me and actually a little scared although instead of being the first one dropped off I was the last because she didn't want to see it happen again. I have felt worthless my entire life because of you. When Eddie hung himself I was estatic. I was in the office mourning and your buddy Mary Alice told me "Why are you here? You didn't know him" and I slithered away and went home and took an entire bottle of aspirin. I was 13. I was a scummy heifer. It didn't work and I told Jane Ray and she told on me and I bet they called my dad but he didn't come home and say anything. I tried slicing my head open but the real one, had I only known to mix the 88 flexural, a muscle relaxer, with the Inderal I was taking then I would be dead. Waking up in the nuthouse was enough to make me never want to just attempt again but I have a feeling it's going to Kavorkian. EVERY FUCKING DAY I was reminded of that time I dug through Amy's garbage, the first girl I actually worshipped. Having a brain tumor you sometimes have this eidiac memory where you remember smells, clothes, EVERY FUCKING DETAIL down to the conversation you've had and since I had brain surgery when I was 18 I forget sometimes that I'm 39. Sometimes I don't realize I'm a mother (which is something I never felt like I deserved) She mounted the campaign and everyone did their best to make my life a living hell because having divorced parents that went to court 67x by the time I was 15 (my father told us to go live with our fucking mother in front of Stephanie Grider and Allison Cornett as she had been given 3 months to live and finally had custody of her children but she never took him back to court in fear that he'd take us away again. When Thomas, my brother, the prized penis left then why bother with "the girls" because you know, we couldn't carry on the Clay name so what use were we?) and by then I was so angry Punk rock was kinda coming to OC and Lisa Stotts and I gravitated towards those attitudes because we hated those people so much. When I met Mitchell and Matthew and my mom had taught them in elementary school, mom was a fucking rock star whose student won a pental contest so they were shipped to Japan. My mother had our lives planned out but my father had to fuck his secretaries. I would stay in fucking Goshen during the week and go home to my 64000 square foot mansion on the weekend which momma had to rent rooms to keep which if she had known that would have also made me scum. I'm sure you kittened when you found out where I was living. Cybil lived in my bedroom even. She taught me my favorite vice, how to steal. She was the nicest cunt of all of you because her abuse was nothing like my family's. Oh yeah so we were stuck living with this Nazi fanatical fuck that was a drill sergeant and it wasn't until I was watching "The Sound Of Music" which ironically because mom took us out in the woods and sung with us she was an unfit mother but he would line us up like them and that wasn't abuse. oh and they came to the house where there were mounds of laundry my father never bothered to do and she was having a tumor removed from her ovary when I was 8, which eventually killed her 18 years later because her OB was so stupid he couldn't feel the ovary getting to be the size of a goose egg until I was 15. See how everything fell apart when I was 15? I met Bil Brown with Mitchell and Matthew and I was the only freak that didn't smoke weed. Momma bought us alcohol and told us that if we were going to drink we were going to do it at home and I really appreciated that especially when Debby Tyson died on the back of a donor cycle. That was quite the shock. Yes I was very popular because of Daddy. didn't buy us clothes so I could stay "scum" and it kinda started going away when I had my Guess jeans and people discovered our family car was a Porsche. Why he even defended Jason Modalyn who killed someone so that when people knew he was my father I was yet a piranha once again. I didn't like hearing how my mother had been battered around because of how she looked so I stayed a heifer because my brain tumor was fucking with my hormones the entire time I grew up and (I didn't want daddy to fuck me) I didn't want to end up having an abortion when I was 16, back in 1964 that was illegal and when Dad's parents found out my mother was scum. Why they didn't speak to my father the 12 years they were married and I didn't' know the esteemed Grandfather Clay, who landed the Toyota plant, the commonwealth attorney until I was 8. This is how Miss Catherine Clay was born into thinking differently than all you fucks. Yes I was scum, which is something that has haunted me my entire life and still does because I'm dying a slow, painful death which must be deserving for asking you about your chicken skin and alopecia that first day I met you. Amy says I called her baldy and chicken skin but that's because I had to do something to defend myself but by fifth grade when the insults never ended I just resigned to being scum even though my mother kept telling me I was a Clay and showed me books about Cassius. I was the ugly duckling she would tell me and you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Then heifer in middle school. It never ended because of that one day I asked Amy what was wrong with her and why she was the way she was. I didn't say it to be mean that first time and wished I had had your power in abusing you relentlessly I did not have the filters most children are beat into because of the things I noticed and brain damage. I wish I could say this story ends there but like so many kids with Arachnoid Cysts it continues. We don't understand complex social situations and get overwhelmed and say stupid shit and do stupid shit so we are so fucking weird that nobody wants to really be a part of our lives unless they are special people that actually care and try to understand how to care and feed your Arachnoid Cyst patient. We have our very own set of mental illness. We all have pieces of our brain rotting in our heads. And those of us with Sub-Arachnoid, where the blood goes into the brain, we have a tremendous amount of pain. I've been diagnosed with an Arachnoid Cyst, Arachnoiditis, Syringomyelia (I love this it's my favorite), empty sella syndrome, white mater disease (MS which is no longer visible in the scans keep your fingers crossed), scolosis, degenerative disc disease, ostoarthritis so bad I need a total shoulder replacement and they scooped out my ball and socket in my right arm. They told me that was from repetitive motion (I like to tease and give the hand job motion at this point considering I can't wank it like a it makes most people laugh) so the only repetitive motion is writing billions of letters millions of words since 1997. I had two hemmroidectomies last year, my muscles are always swollen, there is a protrusion at c5 and 6 which was cause by the Syringo so that the disc is herinated and from what other people with Syringo have said the vertabre actually busts open. I've had enough MRIs to light up my own Christmas tree, own at least three lambourginis by maybe 5 if you consider at least one from 1989-1997 then 1999-present with 3 month MRIs now. If anybody is going to hell it's Amy. I become more and more psychic and, well, you haven't filled your ancestral contract and heaven is being with them and hell is being cut off, like my step mother. I hope you live a long fucked up life because you are such a fucked up cunt STILL. "Your brain tumor must have selective memory" which, wink, still shows that you are still a fucking cunt whose life is empty and always will be because if you know anything about Carl Jung, YOU feel that YOU are SCUM and YOU felt like YOU were a HEIFER and you will always be a lily livered chicken skinned fucked up cunt with alopecia, which is all FUCKING TRUE. I never lied about you. I never hurt you the way you've hurt me and if I had just I could have sued your fucking skanky ass today or columbine on your ass and gotten away with it because hey, brain damage is the gift that never quits giving and you can have your toxic thoughts, inclinations and fucked up attitudes back because I am not scum, I'm a god damn living american treasure with the newest book about our fam, :15 generations of Kentucky Clays: which means we settled Va and Ky and even owned Boonesboro at one point. I've helped over a hundred thousand women have better orgasms, I've traveled through 14 countries sick as a fucking dog and speak Russian fluently and let me tell you, walking through Peterhoff, the second to the last tsar's castle and knowing Cassius Clay had walked the same grounds over a hundred years ago just made me feel my ultimate power. I have written over 10 books or more and started my Facebook in 1997. I AM CATHERINE CLAY GOD DAMMIT AND WHO ARE YOU? A FUCKING CUNT. HERE'S YOUR TOXIC SHIT BACK. I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE BECAUSE EVERY FUCKING TIME I LOOK INTO MY SON'S EYES I SEE WHAT I MEAN TO SOMEONE THAT WILL MAKE HIS OWN MARK IN HISTORY. HE IS A CLAY AFTERALL AND HIS LOVE IS GREATER THAN ANGELS TRIUMPS, HELL'S BELLS, LOVE AND LIGHT AND SOUND AND SILENCE AND DARKNESS AND WORTH THIS EXTRAORDINARILY SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH I GET. EVERY FUCKING BREATH IS WORTH SEEING THE LOVE THE LITTLE MAN HAS FOR HIS MOTHER, HER CHEEKIES AND. Love Always, Catherine PS you might just make it right if you start doing the right thing but you don't know how. I know you are going to live well past your 80ies and hope you don't lose your mind from the drugs you've done (Laura R. told me how much fun you had as an addict too!). I hope you ALWAYS remember how toxic you are and hope that you find some kind of solace so you can join your ancestors too. But as long as you are on the face of the planet you will NEVER forget me as a brain damaged child AND adult giving your toxic shit back to you. I did not friend you you friended me and when my husband accepted your request I almost had a fucking conniption. I couldn't understand why in the world you did that except to further torment me. I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? oneopinionatedbitch.com and a racious, racious cunt. Curtsey.